Difficult bosses

SpyderTracks

We love you Ukraine
Anyone have any advice on how to deal with a bit of a bully style boss?

He's only recently joined. I'm not a fan of his style, rather than get your opinion on an issue, he'll just flat out attack and I never respond to that and tend to take it and carry on without really saying anything, but it's been going on long enough to annoy me now that I feel I need to say something.

He's setting unreasonable expectations for customers that we can't possibly meet which means we're getting more complaints than we did before he joined.

I'm not one to shy away from hard work or stressful periods, I work damn hard and am good at my job, but I make mistakes like anyone, especially when I'm being given unreasonable and unnecessary deadlines that only break the team down and affects morale.

The reason I don't say anything is because I'm not great at managing my anger, and am worried I'll say something unnecessary, but as the senior member of my team, all the feedback I'm getting is that everyone's a bit fed up.

If anyone has any advice, I'd appreciate it.
 

Oussebon

Multiverse Poster
My experience is relatively limited (though unfortunately not entirely non-existent). I found it helpful to understand where the manager was coming from i.e. what's causing them to behave inappropriately. Not sure if that's possible in your situation- in my case, it turned out the manager themselves were getting treated very badly by higher up, and the stress was making them take it out on everyone else. That didn't make the behaviour any less unacceptable, but it did mean that while other measures were worked on to address it, the increasingly infrequent slip back to bad habits was easier to weather until the situation was resolved more fully.

Ultimately, I spoke to their manager, who spoke to them, and after a few rounds of that things evened out. Not sure what the equivalent would be in a larger organisation; HR possibly. Unfortunately it did take several rounds, and as I will generally push back when pushed, attempts were initially made to share the blame with me too for the situation. I can only assume my persistence made them realise the problem wasn't going away, and perhaps other colleagues said something.

That was a small office context though, and the managers had been friends for years and had a relationship where difficult conversations were possible. And ultimately my manager was basically reasonable - evidenced by the fact they were successfully reasoned with. I had no way to know if that would be the outcome going into it.

I did get familiar with the office's grievance procedure in the meantime, though, just in case that was a road I needed to go down.

Assuming the office environment is otherwise professional and the company takes staff welfare seriously, there's arguably merit to flagging up concerns through whetever the appropriate channel is (the office policies would document it). For all you know, colleagues are doing the same, which means it's not just your word.

I would also keep a log of incidents and unreasonable behaviour, which hopefully and in all likelihood you'll never need to refer to.

If you wondered why a small office had a manager and a manager's manager, and then the boss.. yeah.. I never did figure that out. By small I mean total ~5FTE)

In a previous instance of bullying, I quit. Well, I drafted a resignation letter to hand in the next day, but the office went out of business the next day, so I didn't have to use it. But it was signed and ready to go. I decided I wasn't prepared to put up with it, or to invest the time in trying to have the organisation make it right.
 
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ubuysa

The BSOD Doctor
Since he's only recently joined he may be feeling vulnerable. He may even be on probation or a trial period, so he's trying extra hard to make an impact. This may be his first time in a role like this and he's unsure of himself. In my experience, managers who are aggressive are usually unsure of themselves, or feeling out of their depth. In addition, taking over as manager of an existing and well functioning team is difficult because you're the unknown quantity, there is thus a desire to stamp your authority on the team.

In general I think this is a sign of a manager who isn't comfortable, or even one who is not sure whether he can do the job.

As the senior team member I would ask for an off the record, one to one, meeting to discuss how you and the team can best help him meet his goals. If he's less than keen (as he may well be) explain that you are aware that there is room for improvement, especially regarding customer expectations and delivery, and you feel it would be valuable to have an open and frank discussion on how these problems can be eliminated.

In the meeting you absolutely have to stay calm. I would start by saying that your reason for asking for the meeting is to find out how you can all work better together to meet the needs of the department and that as far as you're concerned anything that's said in the room stays in the room, so you would welcome an open and honest discussion.

As Oussebon has said, you may well find he's more open than you expect. He may welcome your hand of friendship. If he is feeling overwhelmed or vulnerable he should be delighted to have your support. The only way to resolve this is going to be to talk with him. But you have to be open, even if he points out areas where you have underachieved - the door swings both ways. :)

What happens next depends on how well (or how badly) that meeting goes. You must not get angry though, your job is to meet his goals and if his goals are not achievable then you have to gently and politely help him to see why. You do need to be prepared to change however, 'because we've always done it this way' is not something to which a new manager will respond terribly well. You might even find that he feels you (all) have been resisting changes that he believes will improve things.

You have to talk.
 

Stephen M

Author Level
Good advice above. I worked in newspapers for many years and bullying was quite common and often accepted by all levels of management but even then there are possibilities, although I would not recommend them unless it was a last ditch thing when work had become completely intolerable.

Keeping a diary of events as Oussebon said is a good idea, plus if others are feeling the same thing, if there are people among them you can trust you could suggest they do the same thing as if it does come to formal action evidence can be like gold dust.

Do you know or are on good terms with anyone higher up the management ladders, is so a quiet and informal word with them could help. Often if a complaint is not made officially but brought up in a more friendly/informal was good managers will respond positively - no decent person likes hassle and if given the opportunity to look at/solve a situation without threats of formal action they will respond better.

If that is not possible, perhaps a letter to a more senior manager, if possible, from a group of you, outlining the problems but saying you do not want to make a formal complaint at that time as would prefer things sorted in house with the least possible turmoil. Take care if you do do this as letters such as this need to be well worded as stating you want things kept quiet and in house can also look like a veiled threat to take more formal action.

There is also the local Citizen's Advice Bureau, they vary a lot from town to town but some are excellent and if it was getting to the point where legal (employment tribunal) was looking the only way they could well have solicitors will to give initial advice for free. In cases like

Finally, the last-ditch. If things really are intolerable and you have enough evidence you could try a Constructive Dismissal claim through an employment tribunal. This is basically saying you have been driven out of your job for no good reason and despite the fact you are good at it. This really is a lat-ditch as if it fails things are almost bound to get worse but if successful there are several possibilities, depending on the tribunal judgment and it would not mean losing your job, although going back could well be unpleasant which is why the tribunal can rule you receive a year's salary. I will stress again that this really is a last-ditch thing as it could be very unpleasant and with no guarantee of winning, although if you do have enough evidence the CAB or a paid solicitor should be able to advise on potential chances.
 
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SpyderTracks

We love you Ukraine
Thank you all, some very good advice there and sincerely appreciated.

I know he's got some pretty serious targets to meet and is under an enormous amount of pressure.

I'm not usually one to take my work home, but I've been thinking about it waaay too much yesterday and today.

I think I'd initially like to chat with him directly off the books and see what he's facing if he's willing to discuss it and take it from there.

Thankfully I've got the first week back in January out of the office so I've got some breathing space to think about it constructively and come up with some questions.

Thanks again all.
 

ubuysa

The BSOD Doctor
Thank you all, some very good advice there and sincerely appreciated.

I know he's got some pretty serious targets to meet and is under an enormous amount of pressure.

I'm not usually one to take my work home, but I've been thinking about it waaay too much yesterday and today.

I think I'd initially like to chat with him directly off the books and see what he's facing if he's willing to discuss it and take it from there.

Thankfully I've got the first week back in January out of the office so I've got some breathing space to think about it constructively and come up with some questions.

Thanks again all.

Perfect. All I would add is that when you do speak to him be supportive. I realise he's messed up the way things were before he arrived, but if you try to make him change back to the way you've done things in the past you'll be shown the door pretty quickly. I would suggest your line should be more of 'how do we move forward as a team to meet your objectives'. You want him to see that you're there to help him, and not to complain. Once he's seen that you're there constructively he'll be much more likely to listen to changes that you might suggest.

I would also caution to be very VERY careful before you go over his head to his boss. You need to have exhausted every possible means of resolving these problems with your boss before you even think about going over his head, and even then you need to be very careful how you approach your bosses boss. If you do that and get it wrong it will be a severely career limiting move on your part - that really is the nuclear option.

I don't know whether you also manage people, but you have to manage your boss in much the same way as you manage your staff. Good people management skills really are the most valuable tool in anybody's skill set..
 
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Stephen M

Author Level
Further to Ubuya's point about not trying to change back. One way may be to say something like: "I realise/understand things had to improve but . . " Try to make it clear you support him in his need to move things along.

I do not know if you have ever been involved in appraisals but the system most companies use with them is to basically give somebody a telling off in a way they do not realise it is a telling off and at the same time compliment them in order to get more out of them. There are a few techniques from appraisal training you could use but the main one is showing you are supportive of your boss.

As an aside, the appraisal thing is often a fun topic for linguistic students as it is a good way of showing just how we can warp language to get out own way, we would often paraphrase the great Churchill quote into: "There are lies, damned lies and Linguistics."
 

ubuysa

The BSOD Doctor
Further to Ubuya's point about not trying to change back. One way may be to say something like: "I realise/understand things had to improve but . . " Try to make it clear you support him in his need to move things along.

I do not know if you have ever been involved in appraisals but the system most companies use with them is to basically give somebody a telling off in a way they do not realise it is a telling off and at the same time compliment them in order to get more out of them. There are a few techniques from appraisal training you could use but the main one is showing you are supportive of your boss.

As an aside, the appraisal thing is often a fun topic for linguistic students as it is a good way of showing just how we can warp language to get out own way, we would often paraphrase the great Churchill quote into: "There are lies, damned lies and Linguistics."

I hear what you're saying....

(That was always my favourite bit of 'management speak', there is an unsaid '...but I'm completely ignoring it' there too)

[rollinglaugh]
 

Stephen M

Author Level
There is another favourite of mine: "With all due respect," which actually means: "I am now about to insult you."
 

Oussebon

Multiverse Poster
"I hear what you're saying" Which can either mean "I don't hear what you're saying" or "I totally agree with you, but I don't have a choice either". I did hear it used in the 2nd way at least once, which I found mildly comforting at the time...

I usually try to avoid using the word "but" when having a difficult conversation. Even if it means breaking sentences in two and making the 2nd a bit of a non-sequitur.
 

Stephen M

Author Level
I agree about but, it is a problematic word, the linguistic term would be negative semantic prosody. Outbreak is a good example of that, it is nearly always followed by something negative: outbreak of war, of measles etc, you would rarely hear outbreak of peace, unless used ironically. A way of using but is to make sure the negative is directed at oneself, such as: "I realise things must improve but I am not sure I'm up to the workload too much at the moment." This is still not ideal but does make sure the criticism is not directed at the manager.
 

polycrac

Rising Star
'Proactive' is my bugbear.

I once challenged a boss that used it (who I was on good terms with) to come up with a single sentence where it couldn't simply be replaced with 'active'.

Yet to find one!
 

Oussebon

Multiverse Poster
Proactive can be used a lot in my field, but that's because we have two, very different kinds of work - proactive (we go out and find work we didn't already have) and reactive (the great majority of our work). Both of which require us to be very active. :)
 

polycrac

Rising Star
Proactive can be used a lot in my field, but that's because we have two, very different kinds of work - proactive (we go out and find work we didn't already have) and reactive (the great majority of our work). Both of which require us to be very active. :)

You mean you actively go out and find work?

Seriously, the English language managed fine with active, for quite some time!
 

Oussebon

Multiverse Poster
Proactive casework = cases we went out to fix without anyone asking us to

Reactive casework = cases people brought to us.

Active casework / active caseload = cases we're currently working on. As opposed to cases that are still on our books but at least temporarily dormant.

If we talked about active casework to mean what is covered by proactive casework, it wouldn't work.
 

ubuysa

The BSOD Doctor
I usually try to avoid using the word "but" when having a difficult conversation. Even if it means breaking sentences in two and making the 2nd a bit of a non-sequitur.

My wife's favourite phrase is, 'everything before a but is bull****'. And she's right. :)
 

Tony1044

Prolific Poster
Sorry for being late to the party on this one, Spyder, but I'm away with the family and have very limited web access.

I also recommend you log the issues.

A couple of other things I'd suggest you bear in mind - you need to be careful to focus on the behaviour that is unacceptable - it's important you don't come across as just being change-averse.

Also, I'd suggest being careful who you report them to. Presumably someone above their position interviewed and employed them and so try to avoid the old problem of "you made the wrong decision" - whether it's true or not, it can be painful for someone to accept they got it wrong.

Good luck and I hope you sort it.
 
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