I remember seeing him doing this on TV - so funny with his delivery and facial expressions!!These are apparently real comments written on car insurance claim forms (with a nod to Jasper Carrot)....
Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I haven’t got.
Cow wandered into my car. I was afterwards informed that the cow was half-witted.
Going to work at 7am this morning I drove out of my drive straight into a bus. The bus was 5 minutes early.
I had been driving for 40 years when I feel asleep at the wheel and had an accident.
I knocked over a man. He admitted it was his fault as he had been run over before.
I saw a slow-moving, sad-faced old gentleman as he bounced off the roof of my car.
I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat I found I had a fractured skull.
I was on the way to the doctor with rear end trouble when my universal joint gave way causing me to have an accident.
In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.
On the M6 I moved from the centre lane to the fast lane but the other car didn’t give way.
The pedestrian ran for the pavement, but I got him.
The accident happened because I had one eye on the lorry in front, one eye on the pedestrian and the other on the car behind.
The accident was caused by me waving to the man I hit last week.
The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.
The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in a bush with just his rear end showing.
The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.
The pedestrian had no idea which direction to run so I ran over him.
The telephone pole was approaching and I was attempting to swerve out of its way when it struck the front end of my car.
I told the other idiot what he was and went on.
The bloke was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him.