One-liners | Page 33 | PCSPECIALIST

One-liners

ubuysa

The BSOD Doctor
Moderator
I remember when a few years back MPs were banned from employing relatives. It was very hard for the Norfolk MPs to find new staff.
That reminds me of a popular US joke from many years back.....

Why was Jesus Christ not born in West Virginia?

Because they couldn't find three wise men and a virgin....
 

Tron1982

Enthusiast
I'm not sure if this was already posted, but, it's so true ... :D
apNnQoD_460swp.webp
 

Insane.Pringle

Silver Level Poster
Heres a couple:

The CEO of IKEA was elected Prime Minister in Sweden. He should have his cabinet together by the end of the weekend


I once dated a girl with a twin. People asked me how I could tell them apart. It was easy really. Jill painted her nails purple and Bob had a beard



That is so true, one minute I am telling the Mrs just one more game on Football manager before bed, next I know she is bringing me breakfast!!
done that before too many times especially playing war strategy games like Supreme Commander, Total War etc against AI players since i have a tactic of turtling till my defenses are practically invulnerable.
 
Last edited:

Insane.Pringle

Silver Level Poster
The person who invented autocorrect should burn in hello.

What’s the difference between a new husband and a new dog? After a year, the dog is still excited to see you.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years; then we met.

As I get older and I remember all the people I’ve lost along the way, I think to myself, maybe a career as a tour guide wasn’t for me.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

---------
The last one liner applies to me far too much!! lol
 

Insane.Pringle

Silver Level Poster
My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline. She hit the ceiling!
------
The easiest time to add insult to injury is when you’re signing someone’s cast.
------
Just burned 2,000 calories. That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
------
‘Doctor, there’s a patient on line one that says he’s invisible.’
‘Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.’
------
A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.
------
Before you criticize someone, walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you do criticize them, you’re a mile away and you have their shoes.
------
I was riding a donkey the other day when someone threw a rock at me and I fell off. I guess I was stoned off my ass.
------
The world champion tongue twister got arrested. I hear they’re going to give him a tough sentence.
------
When the cannibal showed up late to the buffet, they gave him the cold shoulder.
------
A Mexican magician tells the audience he will disappear on the count of three. He says, ‘Uno, dos…” and poof! He disappeared without a tres.
------
I threw a boomerang a couple years ago; I know live in constant fear.
------
‘I have a split personality,’ said Tom, being Frank.
------
The man who survived both mustard gas and pepper spray is a seasoned veteran now.
------
Have you heard about the new restaurant called ‘Karma?’ There’s no menu—you get what you deserve.
 
Last edited:

Insane.Pringle

Silver Level Poster
I said to the gym instructor: “Can you teach me to do the splits?”, He said: “How flexible are you?”, I said: “I can’t make Tuesdays.”

It’s hard, being a cop in Alaska. You have to ask things like “What were you doing on the night from 15th December till 15th January?”
 
Top