One-liners

ubuysa

The BSOD Doctor
My old dad used to say; "The first rule of theatre is to always leave them wanting more". He was a lovely bloke. Terrible anaesthetist though.

It's a 5 minute walk from my house to the pub...but it's a 45 minute walk from the pub to my house....the difference is staggering.

I have always had a problem walking under a horse chestnut tree. After many sessions with a shrink, I have conkered my fear.
 
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Deleted member 41971

Guest
Not a one liner as such but Best comment from someone who watched the presidential debate is,

"I was inspired to learn how to juggle after watching the circus tonight" :ROFLMAO:
 
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Deleted member 41971

Guest
My wife asked me "What are the chances I will get accepted into a convent if I lose weight?" I said "slim to nun".
 

slimbob

Enthusiast
Two fish in a tank. One says: ‘How do you drive this thing.

The first time I met my wife, I knew she was a keeper. She was wearing massive gloves

Went to the zoo. There was only one dog in it. It was a shitzu.
 

ubuysa

The BSOD Doctor
Not strictly a one-liner but this tee-shirt cracked me up. I've got to get one.....

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Deleted member 41971

Guest
"People say fish is good for a diet. But fish should never be cooked in butter. Fish should be cooked in its natural oils - Texaco, Mobil, Exxon..."
 
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