One-liners

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Deleted member 41971

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SlimCini

KC and the Sunshine BANNED
My kid used to love tractors. Posters and toys of them everywhere. Loved going on tractor rides. Then one day a tractor ran over our dog. From then on he hated tractors.

Twenty years later he's driving past a house on fire. "Help help help" screamed the woman from the first floor window. My kid jumped out his car, ran to the front door, put his mouth to letterbox and sucked all the smoke out, putting the fire straight out.

Fire brigade then turned up and were amazed. "How the heck did you do that?!" asked the lead fireman.

"Easy" said my boy, "I'm an ex-tractor fan".
 

rouchie

Rising Star

A bear walks into a bar and says, “Give me a whiskey and …..... cola.”​

“Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. The bear shrugged. “I’m not sure; I was born with them.”
 

rouchie

Rising Star

A policeman stopped me and said: Would you please blow into this bag, sir? I said: What for, officer? He said: My chips are too hot.​

 

SlimCini

KC and the Sunshine BANNED
Why did the man fall down the well? Because he didn't see that well!
• What did the pirate say on his eightieth birthday? "Aye Matey!"
• Someone has glued my pack of cards together - I don't know how to deal with it.
• What do you call a zombie who cooks stir fries? Dead man wok-ing
• I was wondering why the frisbee kept looking bigger and bigger, and then it hit me
• I was stood behind a customer at an ATM and he turned around and said "could you check my balance?" - so I pushed him. His balance wasn't that great.
• Why did the scarecrow get an award? Because he was out standing in his field!
• What did the daddy buffalo say to his son when he left for work? Bison
 

AgentCooper

At Least I Have Chicken
Moderator
I met a bloke called William Hill the other day, what are the odds of that happening?

I also met the fella who invented windowsills, what a ledge…
 
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