One-liners

[AgentCooper]

A clown turned up for work late on his first day and he got sacked from the circus. He’s suing for funfair dismissal.

 

[ubuysa]

During very cold weather a farmer found a field full of cows all frozen solid. A lady arrived in a car, breathed on the cows and they all defrosted. When the farmer asked her who she was she said "I'm Thora Hird".

 

[Deleted member 41971]

Enduser, am after a bit of help. Do you have any advice on pre-ordering games

stop pre ordering games

 

[Bhuna50]

stop pre ordering games

Sorry - whats the message then?

 

[Deleted member 41971]

You can’t lose a homing pigeon. If your homing pigeon doesn’t come back, then what you’ve lost is a pigeon.

 

[ubuysa]

 

[Martinr36]

View attachment 21808

Got to pinch that one

 

[ubuysa]

 

[Deleted member 41971]

There are three kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't.

 

[ubuysa]

I telephoned our local butcher today and I ordered some tripe, to be delivered as we're in quarantine. He sent a boxed set of Love Island....................

 

[Deleted member 41971]

You have two parts of brain, 'left' and 'right'. In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.

 

[Martinr36]

there are 10 types of people who understand binary, those who do and those who dont

 

[Bhuna50]

There are two kinds of people. Those that can extrapolate from incomplete data sets.


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[ubuysa]

You have two parts of brain, 'left' and 'right'. In the left side, there's nothing right. In the right side, there's nothing left.

If the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body and the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then left-handers are the only right-minded people!

 

[Martinr36]

If the left side of the brain controls the right side of the body and the right side of the brain controls the left side of the body, then left-handers are the only right-minded people!

That's just to deep at this time of day after only one coffee

 

[Bhuna50]

That's just to deep at this time of day after only one coffee

Is it daytime already - I didn’t want to go out in case it was still dark. Damn. Kept the lights on all night and not slept yet. [emoji23][emoji23][emoji23][emoji23]

Somethings kept me A Wake all night.


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[Stephen M]

Fear of of getting insomnia keeps we awake at night.

 

[ubuysa]

Fear of of getting insomnia keeps we awake at night.

Since two negatives make a positive, if you dream that you're sleeping does that mean you're awake?

 

[Martinr36]

What part of the day is monday...................

 

[ubuysa]

What part of the day is monday...................

The Moon?