D
Deleted member 41971
Guest
many years ago I knew someone who gambled quite a bit, I said how was your luck going, he said not as good as the bookmaker who pulls up to work in a new Mercedes.
One-liners
- Thread starter AgentCooper
- Start date
many years ago I knew someone who gambled quite a bit, I said how was your luck going, he said not as good as the bookmaker who pulls up to work in a new Mercedes.
D
Deleted member 41971
Guest
D
Deleted member 41971
Guest
What’s the difference between a golfer and a skydiver? A golfer goes *whack* “damn” and a skydiver goes “damn” *whack*
I was out sailing the other day and a load of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.
ubuysa
The BSOD Doctor
That reminds be of the best name I've even seen on a sailboat: Never Again II
As a nautical man, you may enjoy another seafaring joke...
There’s a big sale on paddles at the marine supply store today, it’s quite the oar-deal.
ubuysa
The BSOD Doctor
OK, a true sailing story (not a one-liner but not long)...
Many years back we were sailing our yacht northwards towards Corfu from the Lefkas canal (in the Greek Ionian). The wind was pretty strong from the north so we were close hauled and regularly tacking through the wind to make our northerly passage. My wife got a phone call from her mom and since we were on each tack for about 30 minutes she answered it. Well, you know what mothers and daughters are like when they start talking. After a while I could see the coast of mainland Greece approaching on the bow at a good 8 knots (trust me, that's fast in a 45-foot sailboat). I gave my wife as long on the phone as I dared and then told her that she needed to finish because we'd need to tack (it takes two to tack a boat that size). She said to her mom "I have to go, we're tacking". In a high pitched panicky voice that even I could hear on the helm her mom screamed "who's attacking you, should I call the police?"....
D
Deleted member 41971
Guest
SpyderTracks
We love you Ukraine
Ditto.sounds like my ex, although she was a kangaroo
NoddyPirate
Grand Master
My favourite lines (quotes really) are two my Dad used all the time - stolen from Ben Franklin and Will Rogers I believe:
"Democracy is two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner."
and
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock."
"Democracy is two wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for dinner."
and
"Diplomacy is the art of saying 'nice doggie' until you can find a rock."
Stephen M
Author Level
Along those lines, have always loved Groucho Marx's line: "I would never join a club that would have me as a member."
I used to paraphrase that when asked if I was married, with: "I would never marry a woman who would accept me as a husband."
NoddyPirate
Grand Master
Similarly - as a young lad in my first proper job - about two weeks in - a particularly gruff old longtimer saw me and said "You're still here? They must really want you - not because you're any good, they're just really stuck for people." And then he walked away.....
D
Deleted member 41971
Guest
D
Deleted member 41971
Guest
the exact words were, "we don't want people like you but as no one else wants it either you will have to stay"
NoddyPirate
Grand Master
Needed? Wanted? It's all the same really....the exact words were, "we don't want people like you but as no one else wants it either you will have to stay"
When I got married I felt like I was wanted - now I'm hoping I'm still needed!